Forever Impossible
by HarryPotterTNGfan
Summary: This is the first time Clara has died when the Doctor truly knew her. Grieving, he is no longer sure if he wants to know this mystery anymore, if losing his friend is the cost. [Written before "The Name of the Doctor," so it doesn't quite go along with what was revealed in the episode.]


"No," said the Doctor as he stooped over the girl laying still before him. "No, no, no, no, no." It was happening again. For the third time for this specific companion and about the trillionth time for the Doctor. His best friend was dying, and there was nothing that the Time Lord could do to stop it.

"Clara," he said, his head close to hers. He tried to hold back the tears, but bent over the girl, he couldn't help it as a couple escaped to land on her cheek. Clara gasped, one hand over her chest, where the venom was spreading to her heart, and the other clutching the Doctor's hand weakly. He squeezed it and held it over one of his own hearts and said, "I'm so sorry. There's nothing that I can do."

Clara didn't respond, but groaned in pain again. She clutched the wound where the cybermat had bitten her, and the Doctor put his hand over it, where the veins were exposed, the green poison spreading from the wound, and said, "Here." He closed his eyes, and after a moment, the pain in Clara's chest vanished. The wound was still there, and it was still weakening her, but it no longer hurt as badly.

"Thank you," she said softly. She had no idea what he had done, but whatever it was, it helped.

The Doctor kissed her hand. "Please," he said. "I don't want you to." Out of all of the Claras he'd met...and was going to meet...this Clara was his Clara. He knew that he would see her again, but she wouldn't see him. She wouldn't remember him. He would have to start it all over. "My impossible girl," he muttered.

Clara smiled weakly. She had never completely understood what the Doctor had meant by that term, but she had grown to love him calling her that, anyway. It made her feel important. It reminded her that for some strange reason, the Doctor found her amazing and mysterious, despite the fact that-from her point of view-she was very boringly normal. But suddenly, as the venom was making her weaker, sucking the life force out of her, she understood finally what the Doctor meant. Suddenly, a thousand different adventures that she had never remembered before flooded back into her memory, and she said, "I remember."

"Remember what?" said the Doctor.

.

"I remember," Clara repeated.

"What do you remember?"

"Everything." Clara removed her hand from her chest, her wound forgotten. "Don't you remember?"

"Clara, I don't..."

"Remember, Doctor," she interrupted, her eyes beginning to droop. "Just run, you clever boy..keep running...and remember."

Clara's hand slacked in the Doctor's, her head fell into his arms, and she remained still.

The Doctor took a shuddering breath as he looked down at Clara's body. This Clara was gone. For all he knew, a million more were still alive somewhere out there, but at that moment, the Doctor didn't care. His Clara was gone, and she wasn't coming back. All of their adventures in space and time...just a memory in his head. Even if he found her again, she wouldn't remember. She would be a new person, and the Doctor wasn't sure anymore if he wanted to find her again. He wasn't sure if he could stand to see her die on his account for a third time, or more.

He kissed Clara on the head before lowering her onto the TARDIS floor. He thought that he could hear the old thing weep in her own way for the impossible girl as he forced himself to stand and wipe his eyes. Walking over to the console a few feet away, he hesitated before setting the coordinates. He had to bring her back home.

When the TARDIS landed, he opened the doors to go find Angie and Artie. He didn't know what he was going to tell them, but he also knew that they had a right to know why Clara wasn't coming back. But when he opened the doors, he realized immediately that he had not landed on the Maitland's yard. In fact, he didn't even think he had landed in 2013.

Before he could even respond to this, he heard someone shouting to his right. "Hey, you! Move over!" and before he could even look to see who was shouting, he was shoved back into the TARDIS. Someone jumped in behind him, and he heard the doors slam shut as his head slammed against the floor.

"Sorry, mate," she said, turned to look out the window. "I was being chased by this bloke. We had a bit of a...misunderstanding, you see, and-blimey!" She had finally noticed the size of the interior of the TARDIS, and in her shock, she dropped something in her hand-money. The coins fell with a clank onto the floor and through the holes to land underneath the console below.

The Doctor rubbed his head on the floor, blinking. He struggled to make his eyes focus on the stranger's face, and when they did, he gasped. It was Clara. Again. But this time, she looked much different. Her clothes were untidy and her hair unkempt. There was a smudge of dirt on her nose and a hole in her shoe. He turned back to look at the other Clara, who remained laying still on the floor, the tips of her hair just visible from the other side of the Doctor's eyes widened, and he quickly looked back at the other Clara standing above him, hoping that she could not see.

"Wicked!" this Clara said, gaping at the room around her. "What is this, then? Some sort of funhouse trick?"

"Yes, a funhouse trick," said the Doctor, sitting up.

Clara looked down at him, then reached out a hand and pulled him up so that he was standing. When she let go, the Doctor gaped at the hand that she had held, as if that had confirmed that she was not a ghost after all. Clara leaned in close, looking at his eyes, and said, "Hey, mate, have you been crying?"

The Doctor was suddenly aware of the tears left over from before, when he was crying over Clara's body...the other Clara. He quickly wiped them away.

The girl stared a moment longer, looking slightly concerned, then she turned to look out the window again. "Ah," she said, "there he goes. He thinks I took off down Main Street, the duffer!" She looked back at the Doctor once more, said, "Sorry for intruding!" and without further ado, she scooped up what she could of her dropped money, opened the TARDIS door, and took off down the street, opposite from the the direction the man who had been chasing her before went.

The Doctor caught the door before it had closed, and watched as Clara ran off, perfectly alive and well, despite some ragged clothing. Yet, there in the TARDIS she still remained also, peaceful and unmoving, by the console. He did not call after her. He did not run. He did not do anything but watch her go. Sighing grimly, he said to himself, "Perhaps this is one mystery better left unsolved," and as Clara turned a corner at the end of the street, he muttered, "Goodbye, my impossible girl."

He started to shut the door, but his foot caught it before it could close all the way. Before he could stop himself, he bolted after the girl, shooting past pedestrians in the street whose clothing told him that he had landed somewhere in late 80's Earth, downtown London. He had to find out who this impossible girl was, even if it took him a lifetime, which for him could last forever.


End file.
